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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069904">Letting go of Better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/childspider/pseuds/childspider'>childspider</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(all romantic relationships are background), Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Bato (Avatar) - centric, Biphobia, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Blood and Injury, Coming Out, Gay Bato (Avatar), Gay Zuko (Avatar), Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jet is NOT an asshole ex- just a normal one that Sokka has some complicated feelings about, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, Violence, gay mentor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 00:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/childspider/pseuds/childspider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up outside of the norm, being forced to keep aspects of yourself hidden for the comfort of others does some serious damage to your self-worth.<br/>...<br/>Looks at Bato's relationship with himself and others throughout his life. </p>
<p>(edited 28/Oct/20)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bato &amp; Hakoda (Avatar), Bato &amp; Sokka (Avatar), Bato (Avatar)/Original Character(s), Jet/Sokka (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Letting go of Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There are definitely issues with this but this is the first thing I've written in full in a very long time and it took far too long to not share. Hope you enjoy at least some parts of it :)</p>
<p>(Also! I do think of this as sort of pre-slash Bato/Hakoda but there's not really anything to show that in here, so I didn't want to tag it but like just so you know that's where my mind was at)</p>
<p>(Edited: 28/Oct/20. Mostly just grammar edits but there's some mild text [mostly dialogue] changes throughout- and added a couple extra lines mostly towards the end and involving Sokka.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everywhere has its issues, the Southern Water Tribe is no exception. They have some messed up views about women and they tend to avoid talking about anybody who isn’t straight, unless they’re the butt of the joke.</p>
<p>A teenaged Bato knew this while coming out to his parents. They try to be understanding (having suspected since he was a young child) but ask that he keeps it to himself, not wanting it to cause problems for him or themselves in the village. He agrees silently, eyes on his boots, grateful that they weren’t outright cruel. He spends the next few months unsure of how to act around his mum and dad now that they know. Eventually, their relationship grows quiet.</p>
<p>Bato starts spending more and more time outside training, trying to avoid the discomfort he feels in his own home. Hakoda joins him from time to time to keep him company, he knows there is something that they aren’t talking about, but it never gets brought up.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>A few years later, Hakoda and Bato have a little too much to drink after a long days work, and Hakoda spends the entire night talking about how attractive Kya is and his plans to woo her, so when Hakoda asks him if he has his eyes on anyone, he tells him about Kinto, the boy who always helps him untangle his fishing line. And Bato’s not sure whether it’s the alcohol or the exhaustion or the pressure of pretending but he can’t bring himself to regret it, in fact, he feels relieved.</p>
<p>Hakoda stays quiet for a moment before laughing and making fun of how scrawny Kinto is.</p>
<p>When they wake up the next morning, Hakoda doesn’t act any different and Bato is not entirely sure that the other boy remembers what he told him, but the strong hand on his shoulder and gentle nod before he leaves tells Bato that he does. They don’t talk about it again.</p>
<p><em>Until</em> there’s a meeting going on and the Chief, Hakoda’s father, says something homophobic, it’s just a joke and it gets laughed off without a second thought but Bato is left feeling entirely too exposed. Later Hakoda finds him and tries to apologise for not speaking out but Bato won’t accept it, “There’s nothing you could have said, you know what they’re like.”</p>
<p>Hakoda puts a hand on his shoulder, promising that when he becomes Chief that he’ll change things and make it better for people like Bato. And while he has absolutely every intention of doing this, life gets in the way. The war has always consumed their day-to-day but Hakoda had a lot on his plate after his Dad’s passing, and then with Kya and the kids on top of that, everything else just got pushed to the side.</p>
<p>Bato breathes out a laugh at the remarks people make at no-one in particular, wishing it didn’t feel so personal. Hakoda doesn’t participate in any of it, and Bato was well aware of how easily you could get swept up into the hate filled conversation, especially for a young, overwhelmed chief who was still to prove himself. So even if Hakoda never really made an effort to stop them, Bato still appreciated it.</p>
<p>Even when it becomes a lot clearer that the jokes are being directed at him.</p>
<p>Bato’s not stupid, as he gets older and still shows no interest in marriage, he knows that most people have guessed, but he also knows most of them won’t bring it up as long as he never does either. In fact, he had a good relationship with most of his tribe, until people start to skirt around the edge of asking- the conversations go cold. One evening when having dinner with his parents, they tactfully hint that he should consider proposing to a woman in a… similar situation. He leaves without another word.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Th-That’s a very rude thing to ask.” Hakoda stammers out when a young Sokka asks Bato why he isn’t married yet on the walk back from a fishing trip.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Sokka says, playing with the 2 fish he had been allowed to carry back after begging to help. “But why’s it bad?”</p>
<p>Hakoda goes to stop him again but Bato cuts in. “It’s fine.” He looks at Hakoda’s cautious gaze as he tries to figure out how to continue. “Sometimes people just don’t ever get married.”</p>
<p>He felt that was the safest option, Sokka was still a child and Bato didn’t want to have to ask him to keep a secret.</p>
<p>“Do you not want to get married?” Sokka asked, holding the fish high in front of his face, trying to keep the tails from dragging in the snow.</p>
<p>Bato avoids Hakoda’s eyes, “I do,” thinking of the promises he’d been made in his youth “but I don’t have anyone I can marry.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” There’s a soft crunch of the snow beneath them as Sokka begins to ponder. Suddenly, his efforts of keeping the fish untouched by the frost are abandoned. “You could ask Uni to marry you, she isn’t married!”</p>
<p>Bato is reminded of the conversation he had with his parents years ago, and takes a sturdy breath to reply but is interrupted by more wide-eyed advice. “Oh! Or Kinto! He’s nice and he makes the best soups! He’d be good to marry.”</p>
<p>The two adults stop in their tracks, quickly considering whether they should tell him or not. Bato can feel Hakoda’s worried eyes on him but he chooses to live in this innocent moment, completely absolved of fear. He lets out a watery laugh, “He <em>does</em> make very good soups.” He guides the child’s fish higher in his grasp again as Sokka grins up at him.</p>
<p>He’s helping Kya in the kitchen when he also chooses not to listen while Hakoda explains to Sokka and Katara that there are some things you can’t talk about outside of their house.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>After Kya dies, Bato does everything he can to pick up where they can’t manage anymore- cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids or just listening when they need to talk. This continues after the men leave to fight in the war, with Bato often reminding Hakoda to eat and sleep.</p>
<p>At the start, the crew are nothing but kind around Hakoda, the man is grieving and he is the Chief after all, but Bato is privy to a lot of opinions that he doesn’t let on to have heard. He never lets Hakoda know either. Over the years, the jokes become harsher as he grows tired of fighting their claims. Kinto’s eyes stay rooted to the floor as he laughs along hollowly, and Bato can’t say he doesn’t understand. Around 3 years into their voyage, however, someone makes a nasty comment about the relationship between the pair.</p>
<p>Quiet creeps onto the ship as the man, Tavru, laughs at his own joke. “I know you miss Kya, Hakoda, but did you really need to stoop so low?”</p>
<p>This causes an outburst, with less than kind words directed towards people like Bato, and an immediate reprimand. Bato feels it’s for the best that he stays out of the way for the rest of the day. Later, Hakoda knocks on his cabin door but refuses to come inside, he apologises for his reaction, politely suggesting that they limit their interacts, “I can’t lead if I don’t have their respect. You know what they’re like.”</p>
<p>Bato agrees but wonders if his friend realises that he’s being so cruel. “You’re doing what you need to do to make things better, Hakoda.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>With Hakoda ignoring him, the rest of the crew follow in his stead. There is a cold air that stretches over the room whenever he walks in, that Bato doesn’t ever think he’ll get used to, but he pretends doesn’t bother him. Outside of necessity, there’s little dialogue given to Bato, and he gives none back, just distinctive nods and points- if he were more dramatic he would think that he was starting to forget what his own voice sounded like. He sits alone in his room, listening to the noise of laughter reach his door, wishing he couldn’t recognise the deep sound of his best friend’s happiness.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He drags his spear along the soldier’s forearm, digging in the sharpened edge, as he blocks another burst, her flames being sent along the beach to the right of him. She stumbles forward, knocking into Bato, as he plunges the spear through the back of her throat, suddenly thankful that he can’t see her face. He looks around desperately at the display of bodies- water tribe and fire nation alike, there’s too much chaos for him to listen for the sound of his side.</p>
<p>He runs across the beach, kicking up sand on the newly dead, and barges into the woods. He can hear weapons clashing and feel an intense heat that tries to push him backwards, he keeps going until he sees what was left of his tribe, scattered, defending themselves almost always 1-to-1 against a fire nation soldier, except for one. The man who made the disgusting joke that ruined his friendship, Tavru was clutching a tree a few steps away from the violence, watching as the rest fought for their lives. Bato wasn’t the only one who noticed his open-air hiding spot; a firebender readied their flames as they stepped towards him, Bato called out, springing forward just in time to shove the man away.</p>
<p>The soldier in front of him spits fire from their hands as they grab at him, he moves quickly but a spark catches the fabric on his left arm. He drops the spear, and his knees buckle as the soldier gives his arm another twist of flames that make him long for the moments his wrist would catch on a boiling pot.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He wakes up to a crash of pain and voices that he can’t hear over the adrenaline, the ground feels different and there’s hands all over his upper body.</p>
<p>He wakes up again however long later in slightly less pain with just as much confusion. Hakoda and the remaining warriors sat around him in the medical bay- some visibly wounded but none as bad as Bato. Hakoda cried while they discussed what had happened and their plans to move on without him.</p>
<p>Later, they both cried as Hakoda apologised.</p>
<p>“There’s nothing I can say to change what’s been done, but I will never forgive myself for how I treated you. How I let the other’s treat you. I promised I would make things better and I haven’t, you have my word that things are going to change.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sokka and Katara hug him tightly, and Bato realises just how much he missed being hugged like this. Tears started to queue behind his eyes. It had been a long 3 years.</p>
<p>Throughout their time at the Abbey, it’s clear that Sokka has a thought on his tongue that he’s yet to let out- he doesn’t get a chance to voice it before they leave.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>There’s a gentle hand placed on his right shoulder as he returns to what is left of his fleet.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re back, friend.” Tuvra was the last person he had expected this from, but it was a pleasant surprise. There are murmurs of agreement throughout the tribe and friendly touches across his back and shoulder- while careful to avoid his injury, some graze at his bandages but Bato doesn’t once flinch away, out of fear of loosing it all over again.</p>
<p>As he readjusts to the mission, Bato resumes his position next to Hakoda as if the last few months never happened. He still hears the jokes but they make an effort to keep them quiet until he’s left the room, and if one does happen to be particularly loud, it’s always shut down with a quick jab or a point in Bato’s direction, and no-one dared do it in front of Hakoda. It’s not good, but it’s better, and he supposed that’s all the Chief promised.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>The question startled Bato, the pair had been mostly silent while collecting seaweed down at the sea front for Hakoda’s bombs. He hadn’t missed how quiet Sokka had been around him since his arrival the previous afternoon, he hoped it was due to the long journey but Bato had started to worry that the comments had turned Sokka’s view of him sour.</p>
<p>Bato doesn’t know how to answer, because he’s not entirely sure. It’s not something he’s had the luxury of thinking about, especially with their focus constantly on the war, they don't have the time or resources for anyone to be anything but okay. He watches Sokka. “Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>“The other men,” Sokka starts, “they’re not nice to you.”</p>
<p>They both know it’s not a question. “No. But they’re trying to be better.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Sokka nods, shaking his basket to level the seaweed, “good that they’re getting better, not that they’re not nice to you. That- that bit sucks.”</p>
<p>“It does.”</p>
<p>There’s quiet, as they continue gathering. “Even my dad?” the boy asks, voice tight.</p>
<p>Bato sighs, having started to figure out what Sokka had wanted to speak about at the Abbey. “He’s made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve trusted him with my life well before we were even out here fighting.” Bato sneaks a glance at Sokka who is staring at him with the same wide eyes he’s had since he was a child. Bato wants to give him hope, just like Sokka had given him years prior. “He promised me when we weren’t much older than you, that he would be a better Chief for people like me. There is still a lot of work to be done but if it wasn’t for your dad, none of the men would even be trying to do better. I’m forever grateful for that.”</p>
<p>There is more to be said but they’re cut off before they get a chance.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>In the midst of the unknown while they wait for the Avatar to wake up, the comments seem to have calmed down. Bato doesn’t remember the last time he heard anything, and he even witnessed Sokka sewing in broad daylight, for everyone to see, something that Bato would have never dreamed of doing at that age out of fear of being caught, but no-one says anything. Bato’s impressed, although does give some credit to them all having had to learn to take on the ‘womanly jobs’ whilst out at sea, until he hears someone mention that the earthbender girl is <em>far</em> too masculine to be into men, and he realises that the immunity Sokka and him share is because of their connection to Hakoda, not because the men had actually changed.</p>
<p>It was later that night, when Bato was angry at everything outside his control, that Sokka finally ventured into his room to finish their conversation from the month before.</p>
<p>“I think I’m like you.” His head is high, but there’s a nervous energy to his voice. “There was a boy a few months ago. We… I. I hoped it was just him. But it’s not.”</p>
<p>Bato isn’t surprised, but he doubts Hakoda won’t be. “Thank you for trusting me with this.” Bato is pulled into a tight hug as he continues. “I’m sorry things aren’t easier. I’m hopeful that one day it’ll be better, and we won’t have to have these kinds of conversations.” He feels the pressure leave Sokka shoulders as he presses further into Bato’s chest, he doesn’t say anything about the wet that starts to seep into his tunic.</p>
<p>Sokka has questions, as does Bato. He asks Sokka about the boy, he groans and says he regrets every minute of it- not because of his gender but because of some complex emotions that Sokka isn't sure he's ready to get into- he changes the topic to Suki.</p>
<p>“Another one?” Bato laughed, ignoring the worry that sat in his stomach.</p>
<p>“She’s incredible Bato, you-”</p>
<p>“She?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’d love her. Kicked my ass the first time I ever met her.” Sokka laughs but Bato is left with even more questions.</p>
<p>“I thought you said you were interested in Suki, romantically?”</p>
<p>“I am. I think I like both. All? No, I know I do. I just don’t know a word for it.”</p>
<p>“All? I don’t-”</p>
<p>“I didn’t get it at first either but Aang said-”</p>
<p>“No, Sokka. You’re attracted to women?”</p>
<p>“And men,” Sokka frowns. “I know you’re gay, that’s why I wanted to talk to you about it. I was actually hoping you could tell me the word.”</p>
<p>Bato stops, features crinkled together. “I’ve never heard of that.” Bato wanted nothing more than to protect Sokka, and he saw this as a way to do just that. “Why would you ever risk being with a man, if you could be with a woman?”</p>
<p>“But I-”</p>
<p>“Sokka. You have the option to marry a woman, I never did. I wished my entire life that I could, and you have the choice to make your life easier, so why ruin that? Life is hard enough and trust me when I say that you do not want to have to live the same way I have. You’re lucky Sokka.” Bato puts a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>There are tears in Sokka’s eyes but they’re different from last time. He agrees silently, eyes on his boots. Bato thinks about how grateful he would have felt to have someone like himself to talk to when he was Sokka’s age.</p>
<p>They don’t talk again for the rest of the voyage.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>The last stretch of the war kept everyone distracted, no-one had time to stop and think about anything else. So Bato was worried now that they were home with no more fighting that there would be attention redirected at him, but mostly people were too busy with themselves and the upkeep of the tribe. There was the odd comment, but it was usually met with something like “He’s a war hero, I don’t care what he does in his spare time.”</p>
<p>“Leave the man alone, he almost died for this tribe.”</p>
<p>“He took flames to the chest, let him have his privacy.”</p>
<p>And for a while, that was enough. Because they were right, he had risked his life for their tribe, for someone who was always so callous towards him, so Bato felt like he deserved to have people defending him. But as he watched the young kids he had only ever met as new-borns walking around the village, he realised that it wasn’t good enough to only avoid ridicule if you almost died. Who was going to stop them from thrusting hate at any one of those kids just because they didn’t have the luxury of a war injury?</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>It started slow, it takes time to deconstruct your entire way of life, but Bato made an effort to push back. Doing things he never would have done in his youth out of fear of being found out- on one particularly daring morning he asks Kinto if he’d be willing to show him how to make soup, “I have it on good authority that yours are the best.” And he does show him, but things don’t go much beyond that, but that’s okay though because Bato’s just glad he had the courage to ask.</p>
<p>He speaks with his mother, trying to mend their relationship but she refuses. Bato only regrets not bringing himself to offer this while his father was still alive.</p>
<p>So Bato finds himself, much like he did before, leaning heavily on Hakoda’s family. He used to dread the thought of having a family of his own- as it always came with added entanglements, but now he smiles as he thinks of the family he got to have instead. He does however wish that he and Sokka were closer, but Bato thinks what else would be expected from a teenaged boy?</p>
<p>That doesn’t stop it from hurting when a year later Bato finds out about his breakup with Suki 2 weeks late, and Sokka refuses to meet his gaze.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Are you married?” the question isn’t directed at Bato, but at Hakoda. The pair had been watching the first fishing lesson for the children of the tribe from the side lines when the youngest of the class wondered up to them during their break. “I thought you and Bato were married but when I asked no one would tell me anything.”</p>
<p>The other adults supervising all freeze, including Hakoda. The children started gathering, all watching with curious eyes. So Bato laughs.</p>
<p>Full belly roars and claps a hand on the other man’s shoulder as he bubbles out his reply. “He wishes! He would be lucky to marry me!” Hakoda laughs too, a little awkwardly at first, pushing Bato away with his own comment about Bato being too annoying to marry.</p>
<p>There’s poorly stifled laughter from the adults as kids try to ask more questions, but the class quickly resumes distracting them.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“I’m going to change it.” Hakoda says to him later that night at dinner, pupils on his plate. Sokka and Katara look up from their meals, confused. “I should have done it years ago. We were busy with the war, so it always felt so small, but I ignored all the other ways it effected your life, I should have done more. And I realise now that I was taking what I had for granted, it’s only a small thing when you have never gone without it.” Hakoda takes a deep breath and forces himself to look at Bato. “It’s on the agenda for next week’s meeting, and I promise I won’t stop until it’s done. I don’t know how I would have coped if I couldn’t be open with Kya, never mind not being able to marry her. I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Is all Bato can bring himself to say, as the tightness of tears gently settles over him. Katara reaches out for his hand, rubbing quiet circles over his knuckles as Hakoda gives him a solemn nod, reminiscent of the morning after he first told him.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>There’s backlash, obviously. They’re trying to ‘break tradition’ and Hakoda is trying his best to be civil. It takes a year of push and pull, before the Chief makes good on his promise. Bato has no doubts that had the tribe been bigger and had the Chief not been Hakoda, this process likely would have taken a lot longer.</p>
<p>Bato’s had long given up on the idea of getting married, content with the little family he had left, but he doesn’t know what the future might bring. He smiles at the thought of others like him being able to do things that he had only ever dreamed of. He notices that he’s not the only one, as he catches Uni hide her upturned lips behind her gloved hand.</p>
<p>That night there’s an impromptu gathering of friends and family, it’s not a formal celebration but they all know that’s what it is. Zuko mentions with blush dusted cheeks that he hopes his nation isn’t far behind the Southern Water Tribe.</p>
<p>Bato looks on at the way Sokka quickly drops his comforting hand from Zuko’s bicep and avoids Bato’s gaze as he edges away from the Fire Nation Ambassador when he realises the older man is watching.</p>
<p>Bato is left with a nasty taste of nostalgia.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sokka had been ‘just missing’ Bato for weeks now. Eating meals with friends rather than at home, sitting on the other side of council meetings, existing in a hushed tone around Bato and ensuring that they were never left alone together.</p>
<p>Bato had almost forgone hope that he would ever get the opportunity to speak to Sokka alone again when he walked into Hakoda’s igloo to see him sitting there, notes sprawled out all over the furs. The pair make eye contact and Bato is desperate to use this opportunity but doesn’t want to make the boy feel uncomfortable, he’s done enough of that. “Do you want me to-”</p>
<p>“Bisexual.” Sokka locked his gaze on Bato’s. “That’s what it’s called. The thing that I am- Bisexual.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m glad you finally found the term.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Bato has been rethinking again and again what to say to Sokka, he scripted out multiple different options but now none of them feel right. “How did you figure it out?”</p>
<p>The younger's jaw stiffens. “The Air Nomads were a lot more accepting than the other nations, so I asked Aang a couple of months ago. Would have done it sooner but I had this idea in my head that I should just hide it, you know, since I like women and all.” Sokka starts to collect his scrolls, in a clear attempt to leave the room.</p>
<p>“I was just trying to protect you.” Bato tries but quickly wishes he hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Well you didn’t. I still have to listen to them talk, just like you do, and the one person who I thought could understand just told me I should be grateful that I don’t have it as bad as he does because I can play pretend a bit easier.” There are tears freely flowing down the teenager’s face, he digs into his eye sockets with his palms, the papers discarded again on the floor. “I just wanted to have five minutes where I could be a normal 15-year-old and you took that away from me. When I cried in front of you that night, did you think I was just being over dramatic? I was scared and I needed someone to talk to, but you just made me feel even more alone. I can’t choose who I’m attracted to any more than you can, and yeah I might marry a woman but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get hurt the same way you do by what they say. But you think I’m lucky.”</p>
<p>Bato’s chest aches more than it did when he was at the Abbey, the air in his lungs shake as he encourages Sokka to continue, which he does. Bato has been ready to apologise from the moment he walked into the room but Sokka needs to let this out, and Bato needs to hear it. He wishes he could tell his own parents the ways they had hurt him the same way Sokka is telling him now. He’s not sure how long Sokka goes on for but he listens to every second of it, determined to change. Intent on not making this about his own feelings, Bato apologises quickly, keeping his upset to himself.</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have treated you that way, especially not when I knew what it was like to be in your position. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“You should be.” Sokka states. But there’s no bitterness behind it.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Things seem to be looking up, Sokka stops avoiding him and even willingly suggests activities for just the two of them, like he had when he was younger, it seems like he’s accepted Bato's apology and is ready to move on, even if they don’t actually speak about it again. But Bato knows from experience that it’s not fair to apologise and never make any changes. Bato wants to properly make amends by showing Sokka that he doesn’t think the same way he did before, but he’s struggling to finds ways to convey that.</p>
<p>His current method of smiling knowingly when Sokka laughs a little too loudly at one of Zuko’s attempts at a joke is only earning him rose coloured cheeks and a knuckle covered grin, that’s not enough support in Bato’s book.</p>
<p>Bato starts to sprinkle in more inclusive language whenever the topic comes up but the first time he uses the world bisexual, Sokka freezes up and distances himself from his Dad’s questions about the word- mirroring a younger Bato whenever someone alluded to anything gay. So maybe that was not the best idea either.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“How did you tell my dad?”</p>
<p>They’re alone, sitting in a canoe waiting for a fish to bite.</p>
<p>“I told him about a boy I liked when we were about your age, we were exhausted from work and we had been drinking, I’m not sure I would have been able to otherwise back then, but I’m glad I did.” They both know why Sokka is asking so Bato continues without prompting. “Telling someone this kind of thing, even if you know that they will be fine with it, can be difficult. There are still people in our tribe who are not kind to people like us, but your father is not one of them.”</p>
<p>“But what if he-” Sokka stops himself, chewing on what is left of the white on his nail. “What if he tells me to just marry a woman? I know he doesn’t care that you’re gay but what if it’s different for <em>me</em>- or if he…if he thinks that because I can fall in love with a woman I should just ignore anything else?”</p>
<p>Sokka sits there looking at Bato for answers while he’s swallowed by the guilt of knowing that he is the cause of Sokka’s worry. “I wish I could know for sure to put your mind at ease, but I do not think that your Dad will react poorly. It’s vicious to withhold love from people and your Father knows that. I’m sorry I ever told you that was okay.”</p>
<p>Sokka carries on with his concerns, and Bato does his best to alleviate some of his anxiety, but there is a lot that Bato can’t relate to- Sokka’s worries are different from Bato’s own at that age,  but he’s happy to listen. Bato can’t tell him that Hakoda won't be shocked, he can't assure him that no-one will treat him differently, he can’t know that the backlash won’t be different for him as a future Chief, but he does know that he’ll do everything in his power to protect Sokka, properly this time.</p>
<p>They continue to fish as Sokka tells him for the first time about the boy he first fell for, the betrayal and the final sacrifice he made to protect them. The kyoshi warrior, and the love that they shared but the distance that broke them apart. The brief affair with the moon spirit that forever changed his life. And he tells him of the budding romance with the fire nation boy, and the soft centre he is finally starting to show.</p>
<p>Bato regrets the way he treated Sokka, realising too late that all he did was give him the pain he’d tried to shield him from. It’s something that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to forgive himself for, and he tells Sokka as much.</p>
<p>“You’re doing better than most,” Sokka laughs. “I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>Eventually, Bato does forgive himself but he doesn’t let it go, because better is never enough, and he should never have let Sokka think that it was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading those of you who made it this far, it means a lot! I appreciate any feedback!<br/><a href="https://bashful-bi-buddies.tumblr.com/post/632264580095164416/letting-go-of-better-childspider-avatar-the">tumblr</a> (bashful-bi-buddies)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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